a post about holland....isn't that weeird?! [rated PG-13]

[I hope you all caught the Goldmember reference in the post's title]

I realize that this post is extremely delayed, but I've had a very busy week so just bear with it. A post containing the contents of the rest of the week will come soon, but for now we'll focus on my PG-13 interpretation of Amsterdam.

Amsterdam is the absolute most ridiculous city I have ever seen in my entire life. The city is built around a series of canals so if you look at a map it looks like an archery target. Naturally, combined with the other things that took place in the city, it was extremely hard to navigate. Luckily, they forget to charge for the tram that takes you everywhere. Seriously. We rode it all over the city without paying a dime.

Anyway, we got into Amsterdam on Thursday night, so exhausted that we literally just went to our hostel [The Flying Pig Uptown] and passed out, albeit not on the beds that were assigned to us since mine had a whopping chunk o' bird shit on it and I was in no mood to walk down the 4 flights of stairs to tell them about it. So since the room was empty other than Jason and me, I settled into a different bed.

The next morning we woke up and decided to wander around the city until Sarah and Keetin arrived. We walked up to this area called the Leidseplein which was near-ish to our hostel. We walked up and down the streets around there just to familiarize ourselves with the area a little bit. We stopped into a place called The Bulldog and had a sandwich (himym style) and then walked around aimlessly in search of some Dutch cuisine.

We ended up at the SportsCafe Pancake Corner.

This was the worst, most overpriced meal that either of us had all weekend. We both ordered pancakes which were too sweet and artificial-tasting (the toppings at least). Not to mention that the music sounded like rejects from MTV Party To Go Europe '96. Also, every few minutes an air-horn would sound randomly. It was treacherous. We each left with half of our meals left (an extreme rarity if you know me or Jason)

Sarah and Keetin arrived shortly thereafter, and we walked around some more with them. They wanted to eat so Jason and I accompanied them (and then shared a small English breakfast to compensate for the horror that was SportsCafe Pancake Corner). Then we stopped by this coffeeshop called Dolphins. As we walked in, the first floor was empty (the main lounge was downstairs) with the exception of the girl behind the counter, this one guy, and his friend who was sitting in a chair looking absolutely unresponsive. I'm talking cocked head, blank eyes, no motion, drooping mouth. Excellent. The friend was in panic mode, while the shopkeeper calmly (but forcefully) instructed the friend to take Stephen Hawking outside while she got him sugar water (apparently sugar is a good recovery tool). We hung out there for a little bit before making it over to the Rijksmuseum, which is the national museum but since it was undergoing a lot of renovations we only really saw the art portion of it. There were really amazing paintings by Rembrandt and Vermeer and the whole museum was cool to look at.

After the Rijksmuseum we went back to the hostel to nap, everyone was tired, and on the way we got a snack at a bakery on the way (are you sensing a theme here?) When we got back to the hostel our two random roommates had checked in. One was a quiet traveler who the only information we got from him all weekend was that the next place he was going was Hamburg. The other was a boisterous German named Finn who asked us plenty of questions (in his German accent, no less), including "Do you guys want to go to a reggae concert tonight?!" He was definitely more entertaining.

By the time we woke up it was time to shower and head to dinner. We went to a type of place called a rijsttafel, or "rice table". Basically, you paid a flat fee and they brought you these huge things of rice accompanied with like 93 different kinds of things to eat with the rice. We all loved the chicken satay in peanut butter (which wasn't really peanut butter but that's what they called it). It was so delicious, and the staff there loved us. When we were done eating, they literally showered us with chocolates (which were devoured by the end of the night), and as we walked out of the restaurant every staff member there got up to form a receiving line and shake our hands. It was a unique experience, to say the very least. After dinner we walked back to the Leidesplein, where we bumped into our friends from IES on a random corner. We ended up spending the rest of the night at a coffeeshop called Rookie's, and it was really fun to all be together for a while. Before the night ended, we were sucked into a Burger King where we all shared an order of curly fries (which were amazing), before heading home for the night.

The next morning we got up early to go to the Anne Frank House, which is where Anne Frank hid during the Holocaust. First, I might add, we all woke up dripping with sweat (especially me) because I more or less shared my bed with the heater that was set to no less than 90 degrees. I'm being dead serious. The rest of the room was hot but it literally felt like I was sleeping in a sauna. Pleasant, obviously. Anyway, once we got to Anne's, there was a line around the corner to get in, even though we got there early. It was really cool to actually see a place I've always heard about and to imagine having so many people hiding there. It was very sad, obviously, but definitely worth going to. One of those museums that they did a really good job with.

By the time we got out it was almost a quarter to noon, and we had been told to try this place called The Pancake Bakery which was right down the street from Anne's house. It wasn't open until noon so we walked around the area for 15 minutes. When we got back there was a line down the street, so we waited in it and then ate. They had really delicious pancakes not to mention a literal vat of molasses on the table which was a very strange concept. But the pancakes were good and they also had this hot chocolate called Chocomel which was sweet and delicious (they had the exact same stuff everywhere which was AMAZING because it was amazing). We walked in Dam Square, the area around Anne's, for a while until deciding we were cold and wanted to head back into our neck of the woods. We wound up at Rookie's again to kill some time, and then to the Van Gogh Museum. Like all art museums, it's really cool to see famous works of art that you've been seeing in textbooks forever. It was also really impressive that they were able to fill an entire museum with works by him or that were inspired by his style. Some of his self portraits were really really amazing, and there were tons of really beautiful works of art. After, we went back for nap/shower time again, stopping at a little cafe called Bagels and Beans on the way. I had thought this was referring to baked beans, which are an English breakfast staple, but they were referring to coffee beans, so the food was far more normal than I'd thought it would be.

We decided that we would head into the Red Light District that night, especially since none of us were particularly hungry (given bagels), and we figured we would get food there. All around the red light district they had places called Doner Kebabs, which are little stands that sell food like gyros and pizza and other things. We went to one that looked appealing, and I got a doner sandwich (aka gyros served in a cone with fries on top...aka AMAZING). Everyone else got pizza, and halfway through eating Sarah turned to me, hysterically laughing, and goes "you have to try this...this is the worst pizza in the world".

More importantly, the red light district  was the absolute weirdest experience I've ever had. They have rows and rows of these girls behind glass doors, all dressed in blacklight-responsive bikinis, who are staring at you with the creepy-as-fuck "come hither" look. Literally, they just stand there in these tiny stalls waiting for somebody to decide that they want to fuck them. And then there are a bunch of doors with curtains pulled in front, indicating that there is some sexing going on in that particular stall. We went into sex shops and walked around and all found this extremely amusing while also wildly creepy (at least the girls). It was hard to fathom that a place like that even exists.

We met with the boys at a place called Cafe Remember, but they had to leave early on account of their early-morning flight the next day. We did some more walking (and eating), finding a doner kebab stand with seats to get dessert and then literally being sucked in to a burger place called Burger Bar (clever) where me and Jason romantically shared a cheeseburger and EPIC french fries. Literally, some of the best I've had ever, not just compared to the shitty ones they have in London. We went home and promptly passed out in our inferno room.

The next morning we went to the Heineken Experience, which is the glorified Heineken Brewery. Sarah and I were both skeptical, fearing that this was the absolute most touristy thing we could've done. In actuality, it was really cool and entertaining and since we hadn't eaten anything that morning (for once), we all got pretty tipsy off of the 3 free beers that we got with price of admission. After, we went and got food at Cafe Hansel and Gretel, before Sarah and Keetin had to head back to the airport. Me and Jason meandered around the city, trying to cover areas that we hadn't been, but it was raining and we were both fairly miserable so we ended up going back (naptime!). We had new roommates, three Canadian brothers in their 20s who were extremely reminiscent of Marshall and his brothers on How I Met Your Mother [No joke, one of them even looked identical to Jason Segel]. Once we woke up and got our bearings, we decided to head out for dinner. We tried to find this restaurant that was in the book, but wound up instead at an all-you-can-eat tapas restaurant which was really really delicious, and then we headed back to Red Light to wander some more. We went back home pretty early since we had to get up at 3:45 am for our flight.

 I woke up the next morning with Jason hanging over my bed, ready and rearin to go to the airport. We walked to try to catch a bus, and got there early so we decided that, since we hadn't had a chance before, we would go take pictures at the IAMsterdam sign. Naturally, this made us miss our bus, so we wound up having to pay 30 Euro for a cab to the airport. Whoops.

Anyway, Amsterdam was a ridiculous and amazing place and I want to go back when it's warm and ride a bike around (EVERYBODY rides bikes there), but who knows. For now, I'm satisfied with my trip.